STRIKE BACK AT PORN - PART 3

This is Part 3 of the article. Keep on reading it will help you to understand the effects of porn! {This article is titled "Strike Back At Porn" by Lisa Hall-Wilson and Emily Taylor. (taken from Seven magazine May-June edition)}

I know I've hurt her, but I can't beat this without her.
What do I do now?

She'll question what you say, where you go, monitor where your eyes wander. She believed all your lies before and now feels like the world's biggest fool. Her lack of trust is going to sting. You might want to push her to trust you again and you might feel insulted when she says she can't, but your words have no credibility right now. Help her learn to trust you again. Show her that things are going to be different. Let your actions demonstrate your sincere desire to change and rebuild the relationship.

She doesn't have to trust you initially to be your biggest ally, though that's hard to imagine. She does love you and wants you to overcome this. Hold on to that for now.

Install an Internet filter with a password on the computer (but don't forget the iPhone, blackberry, PSP, cell phone, etc). Let her set the filter parameters. Don't argue when the filter blocks things that you see nothing wrong with-that's likely what got you into trouble in the first place. Do you need to cancel the satellite or cable or install a filter there too?

Don't flirt with it. Determine what triggers you to seek porn out. Is it boredom? Stress? Have a plan for those situations. Go to bed with your spouse and get up when she does. If videos and magazines are a temptation, stop shopping where they're sold.

If you doubt you're strong enough in the beginning to keep from secretly buying new porn after destroying the old, give her access to all the bank accounts and credit card records, show her all your receipts. All this sound like a hassle? Isn't the inconvenience worth it to break your addiction and have her love, trust and respect back?

But your action plan has to be more than just avoidance of the old behaviours that got you into trouble. You need to fill the void (time, thoughts and energy) with something positive.

Dive into God's Word. Get involved in church. Make reading Scripture a part of your daily routine-no exceptions. Do devotions and pray with her, if she's willing. Ask God for His forgiveness and His help in overcoming your sin.

Find a male accountability partner who isn't afraid to ask the tough questions and who can handle hearing honest answers. (yes, that means telling someone else.) You need a brother-in- arms for this one. Your wife is your biggest ally, but she can't be your accountability partner. She's not ready to hear about every stray thought or casual glance.

You do, however, need to tell her if you're struggling in a given situation. Don't assume she knows. She's probably oblivious to the bouncing cleavage and short skirts that you can't help but notice. Your openness will help her understand that this is a daily struggle with malls, bikini-clad beaches and billboards, not just with websites and dirty magazines. Because she loves you, she'll try to be sensitive to that once she knows.

It might take her awhile to tell you, but you'll earn her respect by working hard to beat this, for being proactive in wanting to change and for never giving up. Being a warrior with tarnished, blood- stained armour doesn't mean you've lost. It means you've been in a fierce fight that you're determined to win. One day you'll
be her hero again.

Remember you're not alone. Statistically, there are several others in your church struggling with this same issue. Some days you're going to feel like giving up, but hang in there for the long haul. King David was a sinner who screwed up big, but because he was repentant and turned away from his sins he is called a man after God's own heart.

Lisa Hal/-Wilson is a freelance writer who lives
with her husband and three children in London,
Ontario. Emily Taylor is a freelance writer and
editor from Chatham-Kent, Ontario. She and
her fiance have their wedding planned for
September 2010.